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The Way of the Chao-Pao!
Let the Chao-Pao! be your WizDomain.
Disciples of the Wholly Chao would be well advised to study and practice the not-so ancient Chinese art of Kung Pao.
Based on the WizDomain of the RetroSainted Ding Baozhen (YOLD 2986-3052), Kung Pao brings enlightenment to all who practice it's disciplines deftly and in good spirit.
However, those who study well and master it's secrets, will surely also discover the greated mysteries of the Chao-Pao!
The Way of the Chao-Pao! will be clear to those who can see without looking, and true enlightenment of the senses will be theirs.
Hail Eris!
The Law of Fives
Learn it well, and it will serve you right...
..___________\!/___________..
(From the Principia Discordia)
The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.
The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.
The Law of Fives is never wrong.
In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
..-----/|\-----..
...so be well, as you might well be.
The Curse of Greyface
Beware! (Like shareware, but scary)...
..___________\!/___________..
(From the Principia Discordia)
In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.
It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway, Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.
The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip. Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.
It is called THE CURSE OF GREYFACE
..-----/|\-----..
...So now you know.
ERISIAN MAGIC RITUAL - THE TURKEY CURSE
For such are the ways of the Erisian WizDomain...
..___________\!/___________..
(From the Principia Discordia)
Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the evil Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians everywhere for their just protection.
The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface and his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function and that a timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize their foundation. The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract negative aneristic vibes and if introduced into a neutral or positive aneristic setting (like a poet working out word rhythms) it will prove harmless, or at worst, simply annoying. It is not designed for use against negative eristic vibes, although it can be used as an eristic vehicle to introduce positive vibes into a misguided eristic setting. In this instance, it would be the responsibility of the Erisian Magician to manufacture the positive vibrations if results are to be achieved. CAUTION- all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrity on the part of the magician. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive motivation is essential for self-protection.
TO PERFORM THE TURKEY CURSE:
Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fisticuffs. Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or towards the direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish to neutralize. Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly:
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!The results will be instantly apparent.
..-----/|\-----..
...See? Told you so.
five fnord three two one
You have perceived nothing.
You have learned nothing.
You now know nothing.
Return to your mall.
Sleep.
